This week I want to focus on how Bake is teaching me patience with myself and with others. It is so amazing to watch him; with me, with others, and with my youngest son’s dog Buddy. Buddy is a five year old, seven pound, Maltese who thinks he is a 110 pound Cane Corso! He has the spirit of a 90 year old grumpy man that yells at the neighborhood kids to get off of his lawn. But Bake has been so patient and kind with him since the day I brought him home. I was really hoping Buddy would get along with Bake but Buddy was just not having it. I unsuccessfully tried everything I could think of to get Buddy to be calm around Bake, or at least get used to him. Buddy would get frustrated and scared and go after Bake trying to bite him! 😱 It is a very good thing Buddy is so small, he didn’t even hurt Bake. Bake was so kind and patient, never getting angry or defensive and always thinking Buddy would eventually play. It has been nine weeks since I brought Bake home from K9s for Warriors and this week I finally saw improvement with Buddy’s temperament. Initially, when I realized Buddy was not warming up to Bake, I decided it was probably best to keep them apart. Nothing I tried was working; I was making the wrong choices. All Buddy needed was for me to start taking him on walks with Bake instead of trying to keep him away from Bake. Buddy is still a little apprehensive but he is doing so much better! I’ll just continue to take Buddy on walks and to the dog park with Bake. I’m sure they will be best friends in no time! 😃
Funny how we can learn so much from animals. If you take the time to just observe how they learn to get along and support each other, it’s truly amazing!
Such a wise and inspirational woman!! This message is so freeing. Today I choose to look at life differently. I’m trying to learn from Bake and be patient with myself; to stop judging and blaming myself for my past action. I’m learning to love myself unconditionally, because if I cannot love myself, I cannot truly love anyone else or allow them to love me.
Most importantly, right now at this moment in time, I chose to do better by no longer allowing others to blame or hurt me or my children. I am no longer going to take the blame for those who sexually assaulted and harassed me, those who mentally and physically abused me. I’m no longer taking the blame for decisions others have made yet blame me when I say it is unacceptable behavior and I chose not to accept it in my life.
Today, we live in a society that is learning what our white ancestors did to establish a system to continue to keep an entire population subservient. Now that I know better, I feel it is my responsibility to make a change, yet many take no responsibility for one reason or another. While it’s very difficult not to judge them for their inaction, I have to remind myself that it’s not my place to judge. I have three biracial children that I thought (at the time) were going to receive the same rights as I did, a white woman, as long as I “raised them right” (according to the white societal expectations). “I did then what I knew how to do.” “Now that I know better”, it is my responsibility to do better. Do better for my children, my future grandchildren, my friends and those I chose to consider family. I currently have no contact with my mom, my dad, my mom’s husband, or any of my siblings because of either racism, homophobia, sexism, xenophobia, or simply because they support a child molester because they are “family”. My life does get lonely, and at times I am deeply saddened because I miss and love my mom and siblings. However, I am happy that I am finally in a place in my life where I can stand up for myself and say “this is not ok with me”. For many years I have accepted the blame for their decisions; they each blame me for “kicking them out of my life” when it was actually me setting boundaries. I finally said this (behavior or belief) is not ok with me and you have a choice, you can either be in my life or continue with the behavior or belief, which has no place in my life. There were many discussions with each of them and I even provided resources to encourage them to educate themselves. In the end, they were the ones who chose not to change. They were the ones who chose not to do better and I have to realize that it has nothing to do with me; their choice is about them. That is a very difficult thing to accept but one that I must accept unless I want to compromise my own morals and values. I deserve to live a life where I do not have to compromise what is that important to me.
I guess the argument could be made that I am making them compromise their own morals and values. Many have commented on how I have repeatedly stated, that it is my way or the highway. This is completely false! It hurts me that those who interpret my personal boundaries as needing people to think just as I do or I “kick them out of my life”. I love diversity in my life, I crave to always hear and understand opposing viewpoints; I need and want that in my life. I honestly feel it allows me to view life from a much larger perspective. However, there comes a point where certain behaviors and viewpoints are unacceptable to me; and a person with morals and values that devalue the lives of minorities, that intentionally put systems and laws in place to keep minorities subservient, or that support those who sexually assault and harass others, especially children, have no place in my life…and that is my choice to set those boundaries.
I love this quote from Maya Angelou because it makes decisions in life much more simple….not easier, just more simple. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy….but it’s always right. And it’s never too late to try to make things right.
The Excellent Adventures of Toye and Bake 