Depression and compassion for yourself

I know I’ve been absent for quite some time. My intent was to post a blog once a week and turns out I haven’t posted a blog in over five months! Ugh, that is what depression does peeps! Making plans…breaking them, setting intentions…not following through, starting projects…then allowing them to fizzle out…isolating! That’s just some of what someone with depression goes through on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. It honestly sounds a lot like what most people do. But when you’re suffering from depression you do it quite frequently and the end result feels a lot different.

Being kind to others is much easier than being kind to yourself! When I go visit a friend at their house and if they say “please excuse the mess”, I absolutely do! My normal reply is “I’m here to visit you, not your house”, and I honestly feel that way. We live in the real world and very few people actually live in a house that looks like a model home. However, when someone comes to visit me, I feel the need to scrub the house from top to bottom and hide all of my clutter. Even if it’s just the maintenance person coming to change the air filter for my HVAC unit. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Come on Toye Michele…cut yourself some slack girl!! This is just one example of how I have realistic expectations with others but not with myself; an example of having compassion for others yet no compassion for me.

Bake loves me no matter what! He does not care if the house is messy, whether the dishes are done, or if the laundry is piling up. His only concern is me and whether or not there is food and water in his bowls. He loves me and wants to spend time with me, loves on me, and plays at the dog park with me. If I’m having a down day (or a down week) and have not showered or brushed my hair, Bake will come over an lay with me and have me rub his belly. I know that sounds like he’s just getting what he wants, but when I’m depressed he acts different. He’s more loving and does not leave my side. He constantly tries to get my attention so I will love on him, which sounds like he’s just trying to be pet but it’s actually what he’s been trained to do.

Service dogs for veterans with post traumatic stress disorder, military sexual trauma, and or traumatic brain injury have been trained to pick up on and take action when their handler (the veteran) experiences triggers or heightened states of anxiety and depression. “Some trained tasks include picking up on cues veterans display when experiencing distress or anxiety and consequently nudging, pawing or licking them to encourage the veteran to focus on the dog. The service dogs also are trained to notice when veterans are experiencing anxiety at night and will actively wake up the person from nightmares.” For Bake, this is ear and belly rubs when his “pawing” at me does not work. Here is the link to the study conducted by Purdue University that I just quoted. The most important task for a PTSD service dog for veterans is disrupting anxiety. Full disclosure, one of the organizations used for the study was K9s For Warrors, the organization where I got Bake. There are many peer reviewed studies that have the same or similar results.

Please know if you suffer from mental illness, you are NOT alone! Some things that have helped me with my depression and anxiety are: (Here is a video by Kristina Kuzmic that helped me too: 4 Tips That Changed My Life)

• Practice daily affirmations and say them out loud preferably in a mirror.
• Do multiple daily breathing exercises and set an alarm on your phone so you remember.
• Get an app that sends you positive statements and or affirmations (I use free versions Daily Quote and I Am-Positive Affirmations).
• Socialize daily, even if it’s just texting someone.
• Stay on a schedule, attempt to keep your sleep and eating habits on a schedule.
• Go outside at least once a day and let the sun shine on you and breath in fresh air…even if you just stand in your yard.
• Set things in place to hold yourself accountable such as using a daily planner, setting reminders/alarms on your phone, asking a friend to help, etc…
• Start a “Ta-Da” list that you use in conjunction with your “To-Do” list. The “To-Do” list is used throughout the day. The “Ta-Da” list is used at night to remind you of things you actually accomplished. Even if that list consists of things like brushing your teeth, getting out of bed, and eating! Remind yourself that those things are also accomplishments, especially when you are having down days!! (I got this one from Kristina’s video listed above).
• Most importantly, give yourself a break! Be compassionate and kind to yourself, have realistic expectations for yourself, and know that no one is perfect. Start each day with a clean slate and do not focus on what you did or did not do the days and weeks before, only focus on what you want to do today!

Lastly, if you are having feelings of suicide or homicide seek help immediately! You can always go to the emergency room to let them know how you are feeling, you can call the National Suicide Hotline (800-273-8255), or reach out to anyone! You are worth it!!