Belonging….

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know I love to travel. I love to meet new people, explore new places, experience new things, I love learning about other traditions in different regions within the US, and I especially love learning about other cultures within the US and around the world! I truly have a wanderlust for life. 😃 But sometimes I wonder if all of my traveling is because I’m looking for something.

I took a trip in April to Noccalula Falls in Alabama. I was sitting in the RV I rented and all I could think about was going home. I was thinking about how good my bed felt, how Bake could run in the dog park at home and not have to be on a leash, how all of my personal things are at home, the familiar places I could go when I want to get out and socialize a bit, or even the places I could go when I just want to get out of the apartment. Then I realized, when I’m at home I feel restless there too. I feel the need to leave and explore somewhere else, to experience new things, new people, new ideas and ways to view the world. I think what I’m looking for is a place I belong, a place where others think like me or at least open to alternate view points. I think I’m searching for a place where others make me feel welcome, where I feel comfortable to open up and be myself.

You see, I feel like I’m starting my life over. I retired from the Marine Corps in 2017, left my ex husband in 2017 but continued to have “maybe we can work things out” relationship with him until the end of 2020, I finally started getting the therapy I needed for my PTSD, and I got my service dog Bake. I’m becoming who I want to be, not who I need to be for everyone else. I’m learning to do the things I want to do, not do the things everyone else wants to do because no one wants to do what I want. I’m learning to stand up for myself and set healthy boundaries in all of my relationships; from acquaintances to romantic partners. I’m not only learning who I am, but I’m also searching for other like-minded people like me…I’m searching for a place to belong, the place I belong!

Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling! But I feel like I’ve been doing so much of it lately because I’m trying to fill that void; trying to obtain that emotional connection most people have to the place they call “home”. But what I didn’t realize is that I already have that and it is the place I call home. I have my family and friends there, I have history there, I have memories there. I got so focused with trying to make a new start with my life that I honestly thought I needed to change everything to become the person I wanted to be.

I can become the person I want to be right where I’m at! I am becoming the person I want to be right here. I don’t need to move somewhere else in order to start over. And truthfully, I am not starting over…I’m simply changing the things in my life that I feel need to change. I don’t need to recreate a new me to do that.

I find it fascinating at how much trauma can alter the brain and thought process for a person who suffers from PTSD. One person may experience minor symptoms while another may experience extreme symptoms. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, my IQ is above average; however, when it comes to certain things that have been affected and/or effected by my traumatic events, my brain does not function properly. To break this down more simply, traumatic events literally rewire and alter the brain. Different types of therapy can attempt to help the person “rewire it back” to the way it was pre-trauma. But for someone who has experienced multiple traumas throughout their life, like me, “rewiring” the brain does not come so easy. It is taking a lot of time and a huge amount of work and effort to get parts of my brain to function without the effects of trauma. I may always have PTSD, but that possibility doesn’t deter me from trying to recover from it. Sorry to rant on about the neurobiology of PTSD. I think understanding why it’s difficult for some people to “just get over” their trauma pertains to this post and my blog in general…..and I’m a nerd at heart!! 😂 🤓

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with the technical stuff, let’s get back to the topic of belonging. I guess what I’m trying to say is, all of my traveling over the past couple of years has made me realize that I do have a place that I belong and it’s the place that I’m currently calling home! 😃 🏠 👩‍👦‍👦

I want to share some pictures of the trip to Noccalula Falls that Bake and I went on. Noccalula Falls is in Gadsden, AL and is a cute little park and campground. The park has amenities, a gift shop, and a train that runs around the park. There are multiple trails that are really nice and Black Creek runs through the park, which it is quite refreshing on a warm day. I highly recommend spending a couple of days there. 🏕 🥾 🚂